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    Tuesday, January 3rd, 2012
    11:36 pm
    New year new life
    So I am sitting here in my apartment I am slowly moving on with my life but am still not sure if I really want to. Andras and I are doing great on our own we have enough money every month to cover our bill and have a little extra now that christmas is over. I need to file for divorce so that I can move on with my life its hard letting go no matter how bad it was in the end its hard sometimes to block out the good times I miss being in love I miss share Andras milestones as they happen and I miss cuddeling and I miss S*E*X yep I said it so what. It has been almost a year believe me it has been a long one. The problem is that I can't imagine kissing somoen else never mind doing "it". I am not in love with "him" anymore its just I believe I was marryign for life and he was going to be my onw and only and we were going to have half a dozen kids and grow old together its hard to come to grips that that is not going to happen that my future that I have planned will not happen. I still plan on having more children hopefully sometime over this year even if it mean i will have it on my own I am not giving up on all my dreams even if I no longer have a husband its his loss not mine. It does not really make me feel any better though. My mind is going around so fast I actually dont really know how I feel he lied he cheated he made feel feel about a low as possiable but I was strong I dumped his A*S*S and I kept going I put my baby first and that how it will always have to be so for the new year here are all my goals.
    * GET A DIVORCE
    * GO ON A DATE
    * LOSE WEIGHT
    * GET PREGNANT(not necessarly as a result of the date lol more thinking artificial insemination its only about $600 and I can get most of it back on income tax.
    * LOVE MY BABY(lol Already do that but I know he can always use more)
    * LIVE MY LIFE

    Thats it for now lets see what tomorow brings lol.

    Current Mood: contemplative
    Thursday, October 16th, 2008
    6:54 pm
    Anger
    I dont know what it is but the moment i see my brother Etem i get so angry he just pisses me off so much. I try to be nice and stay calm but i say one thing and he flips out at me and i get pissed and fight back its so dam frustratinf esp since his major arguements are that i dont know what im talking about so i should just stfu. he trats everyone like crap he lived here for 3 months and paid no rent then he got a job and had a fit when my mom asked him for so money then he gave her 120 then asked for it back can you believe that. he borrowed my lil brothers ps2 and my mom told him she didnt want it in her house then she made a deal he could play it upstairs but not down here but then he would do nothing when he got off work but play he would leave mess everywhers then say he does nothuing to mess up and is always picking up other ppl mess. Last friday we got this new satlaite thingy and we were told do not let it get unpluged as it will go out then need to be set up again so my mom told him no game anymore and my older brother hid the playstation so he went and borrowed the xbox from mag even though he was told not to he pluged it in upstairs and she accepted that even though she said not to then today eastlink came to get the dvr we had as we didnt need it no more and he had pluged in the xbox down in the living room tv and put it ontop of the dvr my mom went and moved the dvr and what happened but the xbox pulled out the power cord and killed the satalite. i tried to explain to him and he was like well that was your guys fault not mine and i stated rationally no it was his because he had been told that he was not allowed to put it there and he was tehn like well it wasnt my fault and noone is the boos of me and noon ecan tell me what to do i said that mom could tell him becasue he was her son living in her house and ergo he had to fallow her rules then he started calling me an idiot and i got so pissed i just said what ever and turned away wile he kept going on about how everything was my fault or everyone is so man and he shouldnt have to put up with it. for god sake he is 26 years old and lives at home and pays nothing while he gets clothed and fed and get to use the electricity and watch tv all night and then he complaines about it he doenst fell he should have to pay anything casuse he sleeps on the couch and when it was pointed out that he could easily move into Andy room and share like Andy and Magyar did well that not any better its only 1/2 a room. Our lil brother pays 250 a month for a lil cubby hole just big enough for a bed he has to do his own laundry and make and buy his own food but Et feels that its different and Mag is stpid and he isnt gonna pay that much even though we do EVERYTHING for him. he makes my mom so upset he steals her money smokes in front of me when he is told no tto and i dont mean just cigarettes he takes her pills without asking and she only gets enough for a month and she has to share with my dad and he sees nothing wrong.

    Current Mood: angry
    Saturday, July 5th, 2008
    10:41 pm
    I really don't understand people...
    I do not understand how the choice of abortion can fall under a right all women should have. I do not understand how unless the baby will cause irreparable harm to the mother that there should be any choice. Some people may say well what about babies that have Down syndrome or another disease well I do not believe that they should be aborted if it was something like Tay-sachs where the child wouldn’t live past 5 well maybe but even then I know that personally I would never abort my child. a baby is a miracle no matter how it is conceived if you don’t want children get surgery so you can’t, do not think oh well if I get pregnant I can just get an abortion. If you are having sex protect yourself that’s your right but if you don’t or if you’re not careful enough and you get pregnant there are many other ways to handle the situation rather than killing an innocent child I believe that life begins a conception and that to abort a pregnancy is murder. DO NOT say that the baby does not know what is going on or that it doesn’t feel anything look at pictures of what is done watch a video of an early abortion when apparently the baby has no knowledge or feeling see the baby's heart rate soar watch as it tries to escape from the machine that is trying to kill it and then try and say that that baby/ Fetus didn’t know what was happening. BTW using the excuse that oh I don’t want this baby but I wouldn’t ever give it away I’ll just kill it that the right choice… THIS IS NOT ACCEPTABLE. I know people who have had abortions I also know people who gave their children up for adoption and you know who was more effected and felt more guilt and pain it was the one who killed their child the other had the knowledge that even though they did not have their child, their child was out there alive living there life. Neither way is an easy way out but there should not be a choice. You may disagree with me and feel free to comment but this is what I believe.

    Current Mood: confused
    Tuesday, October 10th, 2006
    8:26 pm
    I Dont Understand
    i really dont i need to talk but i really cant talk to anyone i would write my feelings but i cant not anywheres. life is just a mess.

    Current Mood: confused, upset, angry
    Wednesday, September 20th, 2006
    4:46 am
    Hank
    well i thought since yesterday he didnt wake us up till 6 am we might be in the clear but alas i was wrong. ive been up since 4 am trying to keep him from getting to noisy and waking up joshua although at teh moment the stupid thing is asleep but the moment i move to go back to teh room you can bet your buttons he will wake up and start crying. last night was the first night sleep i had since we got the evil one and i guess you could say tonight was 1/2 a night uggg im still so damb tired eveil thing anyway im going to try to escape now and go back to bed.

    P.S. i do love my baby hankie but at this time of night its touch and go
    Saturday, July 22nd, 2006
    9:40 am
    Getting Married
    well im getting married in just over 4 hours (and your all thinking who posts on there wedding day well me) its hard to believe that this day is finally here that i have all the most important ppl here with me including but not at all limited to MY BROTHER Faro and Sister in law Jennifer who drove down from the NWT my sister Laurie ann who flew from Calgary my GP's who assure me they will be there, my parents and rest of my siblings and all my friends who have travveled distances far and wide to be here so this post is to thank you all for being here and supporting me and joshua through this waiting that led up to this day and for celebrating our marriage with us. a special thank you to my ABU girls who took me swiming last night and made my day (and totally helped me relax) anyway i g2g love you all and see you when i will be becoming Bethany Maria Hirtle
    Wednesday, July 19th, 2006
    9:12 am
    Happy Birthday
    Happy Birthday Mary im trying to get you a present which i will givew to you on FRIDAY when i see you and i cant wait. I hope your day goes great love and you have lots of fun and b-day cake cause cake is good lol love you hun.
    Monday, June 26th, 2006
    7:34 am
    7:34
    have i been to bed yet ummm no great eh and i have to get up from well not sleeping in less then 1/2 hr uggg i dont know whats wrong with me it could be that due to the heat and my breath problems all night is why i didnt sleep is there any other asthmatics having lots of trouble latly or just me anyway i g2g and idk do something.

    Current Mood: discontent
    Sunday, June 18th, 2006
    10:35 am
    "oh its highly unlikely you will have to work sundays" yet guess whos working today me and i was supose to go up to my GP's for fathers day so much for that eh i havent seen him in like 3 weeks and hes got a broken leg how nice is that. grrrrr im pissed.

    Current Mood: cranky
    Saturday, June 17th, 2006
    4:40 pm
    Hot Way to hot
    well im sittin here in a towel, yep i just wrot that can you believe it, i waited till 3:30 ish to get in the tub for no other reason then shear lazyness that and the fact i had to wait till the kids got off to work cause the were using the tub before that but anyway its so hot its beeen deadly hoty here yesterday and today i am loath to putting on jeans and a shirt becuse that well way heaver then what i have on now. i had yesterday and today off work fun the pas week has been woor more work drs app. then work again. i love it its GREAT(im being sarcastic incase you didnt guess) so last night i was on the phone for hours and i really mean hours from 5:30 till about oh 11 but not all the same ppl lets see there was Joshua, Dannie(who i had to decide between her or my sister to phone when having a small mental break down lol ki9nda felt guilty though cause i chose3 my cousin over my sister)tehn becca then joshuia then my mom then wendy then joshua again. busey night eh. anyway i g2g and get dress and convince my bro he wants to go to the store for juice so that we have somethign to drink in this house. love yah all and miss you to bits.
    ~B~

    Current Mood: hot
    Saturday, May 13th, 2006
    9:28 pm
    Death
    Well my uncle shawn died last night so we will be at the wake tomorow and then the funeral on monday poor Aunt Velma having him waked on mothers day. its kinda intresting in a way that my cousin(not there son my aunt and moms sisters son) died a few years ago on the 9th of may added to that if you want to think of it like that my sister also died in may creepy huh? well i g2g see you all well later i guess.

    Current Mood: blank
    Wednesday, May 3rd, 2006
    1:06 am
    this is halarious
    LOL I answered the phone and the guy asked to talk to Paulette (my mom) and i said well shes out of town and wont be back for a few days so the guy was like ok well who are you i said her daughter hes like are you home alone i was like what hes like i asked if you were home alone so i was thinking ok odd guestion but its ok sure ill answer its a long distance # could be someone my mom works with so i said yes and he asked how old i was i was like WHAT i was like umm why he said i didnt sound old enough to be home by my self i was like im 20 hes like oh sorry ill phone her back another time. ok ummm i was using my profesional voice as my dads clients have been phoneing all mornign so thi sgu y thought i was to young hes a knob lol ah well made me laugh

    Current Mood: amused
    Sunday, March 12th, 2006
    12:01 pm
    Cleopatra skank of the Nile
    <td align="center">You are Cleopatra



    Beautiful and Charming. You are able to persuade anyone to do anything you would like, because of your hotness and charisma. You are an expert in gaining power over anyone you choose.

    Take this quiz at QuizGalaxy.com</td>
    Saturday, February 25th, 2006
    12:01 am
    Uggg like not me at all
    well the bf thing that it and hes not my bf hes my Fiance
    HASH(0x8d15610)
    Tinkerbell

    Techinically she's not a princess, but who cares.

    Tinkerbell is a sassy, jealous, strong

    fairy!!! You are a total diva and ppl can

    easily imagine you bein a celebrity! You're

    dramatic and (if you have one)you're

    reaaaaally protective of her

    boyfriend....(again dramatic)You don't care

    what anyone thinks of you and you doesn't try

    to be anyone else. You're not the kind of

    person to mess with!!! You show your true

    colors and say what you think, and that is

    really cool!


    What Disney Princess Are You???? *pretty pics!!!*
    brought to you by Quizilla
    Thursday, February 23rd, 2006
    9:35 pm
    My mom
    is going to New York in like a week or so she is going to Ont in March around the 24th and Geneva yep you read right Geneva in Switzerland in MAY can you believe it i am so frigin envoius that i am probably green yep that much. There are buildings in Geneva from teh 1100's what i wouldnt give to see those sigh but i told my mom if she didnt take pictures of them for me i would kick her but so bad im think im gonna give her a list of places to go and take pictures of in her spare time sigh i want to go with so bad but yah the cost is like $3000 and i was like oh just tell Denis you need a nurse or something so i can go to lol yah im silly i tell her that anytime shes going out of country.

    Current Mood: envious
    Monday, February 20th, 2006
    10:19 pm
    LOL had to post this to funny i am truely a 90's kid
    Anybody under the age of 15 should not repost
    Just 'cuz you were born in '92 doesn't mean you're a 90's kid.
    It's not like you could remember the original Simpsons.


    You know you're a 90's kid if...

    *You've ever ended a sentence with the word "PSYCHE!"
    *YOU'VE WORN SKORTS AND FELT STYLISH
    *YOU YEARNED TO BE PART OF THE BABY-SITTERS CLUB
    *You use to love playing with your MY Little Pet Shop
    *You know that "WOAH" comes from Joey from "Blossom" and that "How Rude!" comes from Stephanie from "Full House"
    *You remember when it was actually worth getting up early on a Saturday to watch cartoons.
    *You wore a ponytail on the side of your head and had fluffed bangs
    You got super excited when it was Oregon Trail day in computer class at school.
    You wanted to change your name to "JEM" in kindergarten
    *You remember reading "Goosebumps"
    *You had a doodle bear
    *You know the profound meaning of "Wax on, wax off"
    *You have pondered why Smurfette was the only female smurf.
    *You took plastic cartoon lunch boxes to school.
    *You remember the craze then the banning of slap bracelets and slam books.
    *You still get the urge to say "NOT" after (almost) every sentence.
    *You remember watching the magic school bus with ms Frizzle and Liz.
    *You knew that Kimberly, the pink ranger, and Tommy, the green Ranger were meant to be together.
    *You remember "I've fallen and I can't get up"
    *You remember going to the skating rink before there were inline skates
    *You ever got injured on a Slip 'n' Slide
    You wore socks over leggings scrunched down
    *You remember boom boxes vs. cd players
    *You knew what it meant to say "Care Bear Stare"
    *You remember Alf, the little brown alien from Melmac and Vicki the Robot from "MY Little Wonder"
    You remember New Kids on The Block when they were cool
    *You knew all the characters names and their life stories on "Saved By The Bell"
    *You played and or collected "Pogs"
    *You used to pretend to be a MIGHTY MORPHIN Power Ranger and you owned a Skip It
    *You had at least one GigaPet or Nano and brought it everywhere
    *You watched the original Care Bears, My Little Pony, X-Men and Ninja Turtles
    All your school supplies were "Lisa Frank" brand.(pencils.notebooks.binders.etc.)
    *Yikes pencils and erasers were the shit.
    *You remember when the new Beanie Babies were always sold out.
    *You used to wear those stick on earings, not only on your ears, but at the corners of your eyes.
    *You remember a time before the WB.
    *You've gotten creeped out by "Are You Afraid of the Dark?"
    *You thought it would be so cool to be Alex Mack.
    *You know the Macarena by heart..
    *"Talk to the hand" ...enough said
    *You thought Brain would finally take over the world
    You always said, "Then why don't you marry it!"

    Repost this if you were a 90's kid and can relate to any of these!!

    lol yep the stars are me
    Wednesday, February 15th, 2006
    1:18 am
    Want to Try to win a scholarship go to this sitr and fill it out who knows you may win.

    http://www.helpastudent.com/halupab?161?70
    Monday, February 13th, 2006
    12:51 am
    Getting out of Hand
    i think and i am sure many ppl will agree that there are a certain # of guys at this school that are getting out of hand tonight 8 guys went out and burrie Hawks car under snow and let us think what would have happened if the snow plow came along and didnt realize there was a car under the pile of snow and
    plowed it away the car woyuld have been severly damaged and so would the snow plow will these guys be punished i hope so but prob not is it any woder why ppl are so fed up with this school. How old are these guys 14 and trying to fit in or are they adult at a university where they should know better then to crap in a can and leave it in someones pod and put toothpaste in ppl shoes and burry someones car come on ppl.

    Current Mood: Angry
    Sunday, February 5th, 2006
    4:02 am
    its 4:02 i have to be up by 8:30 for church i am not tired and i am sore i took a shower thinkin that it would help me sleep but it didnt i think maybe if i get in bed i might sleep BTW church tomorow should be fun as its Jenfer, holly me and Joshua, and Sam its her first non catholic communion i think i want to go to a catholic service its been so long sice i have been to one that wasnt a funeral yep i admit it just like i admit to going to several Kingdon HAlls over the years, along with peatacostal, baptist, united, gosple hall, morman services, salvation army, seven day adventest etc. i know what a weird one i am.

    Current Mood: sore
    Tuesday, January 31st, 2006
    11:50 pm
    20 but dont feel older
    Well i have been 20 for just over 2 hours and i dont feel older. just want to say thanks to all who wished me a happy b-day or sent cards. g2g love yah all

    Current Mood: ecstatic
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